One of the questions we’ve been asked several times is, “What was the hardest part?”
There have been a lot of hard moments over the past several months, but one of the hardest was telling our kids.
Nothing prepares you for that conversation.
When Damon was diagnosed, we were still trying to process everything ourselves. We were overwhelmed, scared, and trying to understand what came next. At the same time, we were doing everything we could to keep life as normal as possible for Huxley and Eleanor.
But kids know.
They noticed all the phone calls. They saw the tears. They heard the whispered conversations. They’re smart, and they knew something wasn’t right.
Then Damon came home from work.
He had left for his normal hitch, but less than 24 hours later he was walking back through the front door. There wasn’t any believable explanation for why Dad was suddenly home, and we realized we couldn’t keep putting off the conversation.
The timing couldn’t have been worse.
It was just a few days before Huxley’s birthday, and we had talked about waiting because we didn’t want his birthday to forever be connected to the day he found out his dad had cancer. But the reality was, he already knew something was wrong. We weren’t protecting him anymore – we were just delaying the inevitable.
So we sat down together and told them that Dad had cancer.
We didn’t tell them it was Stage IV. At that point, we were choosing hope ourselves, and we wanted them to have hope too. We talked about doctors, treatment, and how we were going to fight this together.
A few days later, though, the words “Stage IV” slipped into a conversation.
I don’t think Eleanor really understood what those words meant.
Huxley did.
Huxley has always been observant. He notices everything. He listens when he thinks no one realizes he’s listening, asks a lot of questions, and pieces things together long before we expect him to. As a mom, there isn’t much worse than knowing you can’t carry that burden for your child.
Even now, months later, there are moments when all of those emotions come rushing back.
A few weeks ago, we were at a wedding. I’ve always cried at weddings, but this time, it wasn’t just because it was beautiful.
I found myself wondering if Damon would be at Huxley’s wedding someday.
Would he be there to walk Eleanor down the aisle?
Those thoughts come out of nowhere sometimes. I’ll be doing the dishes, driving the kids to practice, or sitting at a wedding, and suddenly my mind goes there.
Cancer has a way of stealing moments that haven’t even happened yet.
But it has also taught us something we probably should have known all along: tomorrow isn’t guaranteed for any of us.
That’s why we’re choosing to celebrate birthdays a little bigger, hug a little longer, and make memories whenever we can. We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know this – we’re going to keep fighting, keep hoping, and keep making the most of every day we’ve been given.
Never Down. Never Out.